So I was bumbling around midtown when I happened to walk into Grand Central Terminal just as the "TripRewards Ultimate Hot Wing Eating Championship" was getting started. I had been meaning to check it out, but somewhere during the shuffle of my hectic existence, it somehow slipped my mind. Luckily, I stumbled in just 30 seconds into the 12 minute contest.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with such silliness, the eating contest is basically a promotional event paid for by TripRewards and put on by the IFOCE (independent federation of competitive eating). I don't know much about promotional events but apparently the best way to "legitimize" them is by getting a minor celebrity. I was talking with some of the IFOCE people who told me TripRewards wanted to get New York staple Horatio Sanz. Unfortunately, they were unable to pry him from a bar stool at McMannus, so they went with someone who is a bit more "All That." You got it. . .Mr. Fat Albert himself, Keenan Thompson.
Keenan described the event as "wingtastic," although he had little chance to say much else, as he was steamrolled by the master of ceremonies George Shea. Despite a lackluster crowd of about 50 curios onlookers, Shea let loose with his usual barrage of one-liners, curious metaphors and stream of consciousness ramblings. He was cut off by the results before he could inform the crowd of his inner thoughts on the new James Bond, but pitched an idea for a reality show, "Left World." It's sort of big brother meets the mole, but everyone is right handed and is forced to do everything left handed or face elimination. The kicker is, one of the contestants is actually a leftie! Keenan dismissed the idea as "blatant cheating."
Anyway, the affable Joey Chestnut downed more than seven pounds of medium hot wings from Brother Jimmy's to set a new world's record. 7.105 pounds to be exact, which is, according to the IFOCE's Ryan Nerz, approximately 195 wings. For his effort Chestnut received 10000000 or so points from TripRewards, redeemable for a vacation, a couple TVs, 153 days of rental cars or some crap like that.
It was quite the accomplishment, but as I told Keenan, "Hot wings is aight, but they ain't no good burger." Needless to say, he did not laugh.
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